As someone who facilitates many support groups for older adults, I cover a lot of ground regarding aging issues. Recently a few women from the group had arrived early and were talking about gardening. The names and specific details have been changed to protect the innocent.
Person 1: I am dreading planting bulbs this year. It keeps getting harder and harder to bend down, sit on the ground, pull weeds, all the things I used to love about gardening. I don't want to give it up but I don't want to hurt myself either.
Person 2: I know what you mean. I hired a few college kids to help me but they didn't do it the way I like it done. I guess it is time to let it go. 

I have heard many older adults, which is anyone over 50, use that phrase-Let it Go. It might make a great Disney song but it shouldn't be something we say matter of factly. Letting it go should not mean, don't do it anymore or forget about it.  Letting it go should mean, it doesn't have to be the way it used to be and as long as I am enjoying it, who cares what anyone else thinks about it. 

Let's look at that garden. A raised garden can be constructed to work at a level where no bending is involved. Sure it won't be as big as the backyard and no you can't put a birdbath in something that high unless you are getting a building permit. You can hire college students to help with the tasks that are too difficult and work together while teaching them the "right way" to do it. It may not be exactly how you would do it and they may not take as much care because they do not have the same love of gardening you do but you can share your love. The point is, you have let it go but not to the point you have to give it up. You are still doing what you love with a few modifications. That is what is most important. 

Using the garden as an analogy, I realize how many things this could apply to. My "downward dog" could now be "resting horse" or when on the floor and trying to get up I can use the props available and be proud of the sounds and facial expressions choreographed with the movement. My capacity for learning in classroom settings isn't as quick as it used to be but I know how to ask better questions and how to take more comprehensive notes not to mention learn from others around me which is something I would not have done the first time around. Letting go of the old ways of doing things can be liberating because it gives me the freedom to try new things and not be afraid of doing it wrong or not as well. So maybe it's time to remake that movie with a different soundtrack.

​Elizabeth Ury is a Senior Care Advocate and owner of PrimeLife Care, LLC. She works with older adults and their families to help relieve stress when dealing with aging issues. For a free consultation call 312.961.2298 or email [email protected] 

As someone who is at the age where gray hair has completely taken over, I have been contemplating my next chapter of life. I have decided to not fight the gray although more for reasons involving laziness and control issues than for principle.  As a Geriatric Care Manager I feel fortunate that I spend my time daily with men and women over 70. I see so many embracing their age and working around any of the physical and psychological obstacles. While I have been thinking about what that means for my own attitude I have compiled a list of reasons getting older can be liberating.

1. Life is no longer so black and white- I am happy living in the gray when situations arise. I find it easier to try to compromise, try to understand the other side of things more.  Somewhere down the line I have dealt with something similar and it has worked out one way or another.
2. Going to bed early is not a punishment- I treasure my sleep. If I don't go to that swanky event so I can catch a few more winks, I'm OK with that. 
3. Being considered a sage by default- I am asked questions about parenting, life philosophies, marriage, career and my gray hair from younger contemporaries. That gray hair really is conversation starter.
4. Trying new things- I'm not as concerned about failing. For me it is about the experience or as I like to tell my kids, the adventure
5.Talking to everyone- For some reason I feel compelled to talk to anyone around me. I ask many questions  about life stories like I am collecting them for a future book I am writing.
6. Feeling connected- Growing up I felt I was learning bits and pieces about life in a silo and now I feel we are all interconnected. The fact that we all have some sort of neuroses is very comforting.
What is your reason?

When I was a mom of a 6 month old I decided to start volunteering with my infant. We served lunch twice a month for 50 older adults that had emmigrated to the United States approximately 50 years ago. Most of them spoke broken English or no English at all and they did not all speak the same language. They did all communicate with gestures, smiles and hugs and looked forward to the warmth of the companionship, the delicious hot lunch, the entertainment that was hired and my 6 month old. From the moment I walked in, my son was taken out of my arms and passed around to each participant. He was tickled, sung to , pinched, fed and cooed. He returned their affection by showing them how he walked, giggled at their sounds and silly faces and ate from their plates. My second son started volunteering with that group when he was three weeks old. I couldn't wait to get back there. They are grown boys now and when I look back on those days I think about the fact that there were three generations in that room and all were getting something very meaningful out of those lunches. I'm not sure who the volunteers really were. Today, as a Geriatric Care Manager, I believe that volunteering plays a bigger part in our healthy aging process than we realize. There is more and more research showing that volunteering in older adults have significant health benefits.  It provides a sense of purpose, helps mentally when undergoing transitions such as retirement and loss of a spouse or close friend, lowers mortality and disability and highers levels of well-being and lowers rates of depression. The Corporation for National & Community Service recommended designing health interventions based on volunteering. I have seen this first hand. An older adult who had been living in a planned community became more and more isolated until she started to work with elementary school students on a project and then couldn't wait until her weekly visits to see those smiles and interact with those bundles of energy. An older adult who was aging in place in their home and was part of a community gardening project.  He had been under the weather and cancelled all his appointments except that one. He could not miss being there on time for fear of letting down his fellow volunteer gardeners. It doesn't matter what age we are, having something bigger than just ourselves is what gets us out of bed in the morning. Imagine, a prescription from the doctor: take two aspirin and take the time to give of yourself. I'm in.

My gizmos, ie smartphone, smartpad, smartTV, smartspeaker, etc., have taken over my life.  I use them for work and for play and like others in my generation started out just playing around with each platform and thought it was fun. Somehow along the way I have become anxious using the different smartools as it is no longer just for fun but somewhat of a necessity. I can't image going back to a "dumb" phone for work or communicating  with my friends on just the telephone. The other day I was told by my phone that it was time to update the OS system.  I wasn't ready. I didn't want to take the leap yet without knowing what it was going to do. I hit the "later" button but when I got up the next morning it had decided  to update on its own.  I felt like a slave to this thing, dragging me forward without my permission. The anxiety was rapidly growing like the carbonation in a soda bottle after being dropped and ready to explode.  Now I am a facilitator for a widowed women's support group. The youngest is 72 and the oldest is 95.  They are amazing women and I am so blessed to be working with them for the last 3 years. They are my heroines and I learn from them each time we meet. They too have their anxieties and have seen their share of new inventions and technologies which have seeped into daily activities without being asked if they want them. They were thrust into caregiver roles, business partners, financial planners and accountants before they were ready.. On the job training I guess you would call it. They used their anxiety as a motivator to  jump in with both feet.  This is called healthy anxiety opposed to Anxiety Disorder. Anxiety is something nature gave us to help us in dangerous situations. In prehistoric times it helped us react to situations quicker which gave us a larger chance to survive. The difference between the healthy and unhealthy is whether or not we let it control our lives.  So as my anxiety increases  as a middle aged plus woman who is a bit afraid to learn something new I look at these beautiful healthy women who also had anxiety but  used it to get them through the tough times in life. They owned it, took control. Sure they stumbled and had days or weeks of doubt but they didn't let it take over. It  occurred to me that when my grandfather had a heart attack at 80 the anxiety of his future health motivated him to start lifting weights and my great Aunt who did yoga and stood on her head into her 80's kept moving because she was anxious about losing mobility as she aged. What they all have in common is they used their anxiety as a stimulator to move forward even when it was difficult. . So, I decided to own it as well. I signed up for gizmo classes at the library, looked at chat rooms to answer my questions about social media and put together a plan for becoming proficient with my smartools. I know once I do, another culture changer will come around and I will try to decide whether it is for good or evil but I will put the anxiety in my backpocket so it has just enough room to  nudge me forward but not enough to freeze me in my tracks and then I will jump in. Or, maybe I will start with my big toe.
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How can you use your anxiety?

The other day  I was waiting for the instructor of my exercise class to show at 5:30 in the morning.... before I go any further with this story I know some of you are thinking, 5:30am-who does that? Believe me, I do only because if I jump out of bed in the morning and get dressed and go I don't have time to think of excuses. . It is a similar philosophy to brushing your teeth but the clean feeling lasts all day... anyway, the instructor walks in and I say cheerfully, good morning, how are you? and she says, uncheerfully, I don't know I just woke up and came here. Nothing has happened yet. 

My first thought to that response was, ok, I can understand that. It is 5:30 after all. But then I thought, wait!! You woke up! That is definitely something!  I know we take that part for granted. Some might even ask why are you mentioning this, it happens every day. Yes, if we are lucky, it does. There are plenty of everyday things I take for granted and I am working on really looking at the daily gifts. My cup of coffee and newspaper every morning, my stretching that helps with all my creaks, lunch with girlfriends, my reading glasses that come in every color for every room in the house, my husband filling in the nouns as I try to explain something I saw and the text string between my sister's family, my brother's, my mom and mine from all over the country as we put our 2 cents in on some new technology that only my younger brother understands. I am grateful that I woke up this morning and can look at life from the middle plus and smile at the changes occuring around me and within me. It's a good lens to look through.

What are your daily gifts?